I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You don't make any sense
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