I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
