I just pynch a tree in the face
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
