your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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