What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
did i just pee glitter
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
