I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
