we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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