Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
