I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
