The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
