fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
why is half of my head shaved?
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