She announced her abortion via fbk
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How does one acquire holy water?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize