if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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