What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
