god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
