loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
