I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
