i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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