I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
