By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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