phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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