we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
