Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
