I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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