Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
