I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
