I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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