My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
