He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
