What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
