Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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