This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
