I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
