i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
