I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize