I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
