WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
