I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize