My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
