He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
