How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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