So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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