Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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