He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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