i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
