I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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