he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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