Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
