omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
