so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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