Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
