oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
