We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
