i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
