next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's blow job season.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
