Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
