Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
