Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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