i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
