My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize