just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
