At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
