Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
