Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
