i would punch a child for taco bell
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
