i think i recognize dicks better than faces
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize