if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize