I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
