There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
