Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
