Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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