Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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