what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
