Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
