If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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