We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
