the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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