Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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