What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
