P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
