I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
