Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Enjoy the penises
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
