people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
