the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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