Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
