we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
