I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
