Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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