I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
