just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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