I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
