then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize