if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
