I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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