so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
