it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
