i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
