you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
