he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
