there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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