her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
