so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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