She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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